External qualifications (Part 1)
BEFORE YOU READ:
AFTER YOU READ:
DOCUMENTS & LINKS:
Now that we've covered what the Bible says about the internal qualifications of an elder, we're going to unpack the external qualifications for an elder as defined in the Bible.
We started with the internal qualifications because the heart and thoughts of an elder are the fountain of their actions. If their heart and minds have not been changed by the influence of Jesus in their lives, it's impossible to actually manifest the biblical qualifications for being an elder. You can fake it for a while, but eventually people will see through it. However, an elder who has genuinely been changed by Jesus, will naturally behave differently with their families, their brothers and sisters in Christ, and their community outside their church.
External qualifications then divide into two categories: relationships within their family and relationships within the community. Let's start with the relationship between an elder and their spouse.
Family- husband of one wife
1 Timothy 3:2
This requirement is seemingly clear and yet very nuanced. It requires wisdom and discernment. One of the major issues of our day and age is whether or not this excludes those who are divorced or those who are single.
There are proponents of the view that those who are not married or have been previously married should not be considered for eldership. These proponents take a literal approach to reading this directive and do not consider other parts of scripture, or even the exact meaning of the phrase.
First, if we were to exclude single people under this requirement, then even Jesus himself would not be qualified to serve as an elder. We need to recognize that if we are so dogmatic that our own savior can't fit our qualifications, then we should probably reconsider our reading and understanding of this directive. Paul, the writer of this passage, was single. So this viewpoint would have excluded him from being an elder.
Those who are single should not be excluded because they have not been led into marriage. As Paul mentions in 1 Corinthians 7:7, single people are in some ways able to more freely serve than those who are married.
There is also the issue of whether someone who has been divorced and is single or who has remarried can be an elder. That is a topic that requires more space than I can devote in this post. If you are interested in a deeper discussion, I would encourage you to look at the explanations in Alexander Strauch's book Biblical Eldership or this article by Scholar Bill Mounce.
In this passage in the Bible, divorce is not specifically being addressed. You would have to go back to other passages to see what the Bible says about that topic. However, later on Paul does tell younger widows to get remarried. Therefore, Paul is not strictly prohibiting remarriage. I will give my perspective on this and recognize that others may disagree, but then we'll turn to what appears to be the best possible interpretation of this phrase.
If someone who is being considered for eldership has been divorced, that becomes an opportunity to ask about the circumstances of that relationship.
Why did they get divorced?
How long ago was it?
Was it for sexual infidelity or abandonment?
Was there abuse involved?
Did they seek counseling and reconciliation?
Did they exhaust all potential avenues for staying married?
Was it due to mutual sinfulness?
If it was due to mutual sinfulness, what did they learn about themselves that lead to the breakdown of their marriage?
How has God revealed to them that remarriage is something he would bless?
None of these are easy questions, but they must be asked. If there are biblical allowances for their divorce, or if God has been able to redeem their past, if they have grown in their Christian maturity and are living within God-honoring marriage and sexuality, then I believe they should warrant consideration to become an elder.
I agree with Alexander Strauch when he says that, "A final interpretation, and the one favored here, is the simplest and least problem creating. It contends that the phrase ‘the husband of one wife’ is meant to be a positive statement that expresses faithful, monogamous marriage. In English we would say ‘faithful and true to one woman’ or ‘a one-woman man’. This latter phrasing closely follows the Greek wording. In simplest terms, is this person faithfully honoring God and their spouse?”
Other than a relationship with Jesus, the husband/wife relationship is the most important relationship in an elder’s life. The reason for that is because this is the one human relationship that specifically puts on display God's relationship with his Church.
In Ephesians 5:25-30, Paul says that marriage is the place where we put sacrificial mutually submissive love on display for the world to see. The world should be able to look at the marriages of the leaders in the church and see what the love of Jesus is like. Those in the church should look at the marriages of its leaders and know what the love of Jesus is like.
So what does faithful, God-honoring marriage look like? Here are some practical areas that should be addressed.
Appropriate boundaries with others: There is a pattern to look for when someone is unhappy and their marriage is in danger. The first step is usually the deepening of a friendship with someone, seeking them out in public, then more privately.
Never share things with someone outside your marriage that you should be sharing with your spouse. Do not share things about your spouse to anyone else. This is crossing the boundaries of what is acceptable. Once a deeper connection has been made, the next step is usually some kind of flirting. What may start out as a simple compliment, can move toward seeking out affirmation or becoming a way of showing affection. These are common ways of opening the doors to inappropriate connections with someone who is not your spouse.
Use of sexually explicit materials: This is a clear violation of God's intention to honor people as made in the image of God. And according to the teaching of Jesus in Matthew 5:28, it is also is an act of adultery. The prevalence and easy access to pornographic images and materials is so widespread that it is a huge problem in our world, and in our churches.
This is not simply limited to x-rated material, but also to "softer" materials such as movies and television that portray explicit sexuality in a visual way. As John Piper says, …”as I am watching ‘that lady is really naked, and I am really watching.’ “ It is such a problem that it should not be assumed that leaders have not in the past, or are not currently struggling with this problem. A potential elder should be asked if they are honoring God sexually in their marriage, both physically as well as mentally.
Language and discussion of intimate details: In Ephesians 5:3-4 we're told, "Let there be no sexual immorality, impurity, or greed among you. Such sins have no place among God's people. Obscene stories, foolish talk, and coarse jokes- these are not for you.” The context of this passage mentions sexuality and how we talk about it.
The marriage bed is the most intimate part of the relationship between a husband and a wife. Part of honoring our spouse is not making public what should be private or joking about it. It is the best way to honor our spouse, and set an example that is different from the way the world views sexuality.
In addition to these areas, a good criteria is more complicated than whether an elder or potential elder is faithful to their spouse, but whether or not they are committed to their spouse’s growth and flourishing in Christ-likeness. When people look at their own marriage relationship, do they see an environment where encouragement, love, and mutual sharpening is occurring? If not, then they should probably focus on that ministry relationship more fully and wait to become an elder.
Once a potential elder’s marriage has been evaluated to see if it honors Christ, and they are leading well in that relationship, we must turn to the rest of the family. We'll address those relationships in our next post.
